Living God, through Jesus Christ, you have set us free from the slavery to sin, that we might walk in your way. Help us in this, our service of praise, to sing of our freedom with joy, to long for peace in our prayers, and learn of the path to resolution in the study of your Word; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

Good morning, again. We are glad you are here. If you are new, or have been away for a while, this is Part 2 of a series of teachings that we are calling “Crossroads.” 

 

The idea is simply this.  We all come to crossroads moments in our lives when we have to decide. When I have to decide whether I am going to go the world’s way or whether I’m going to go God’s way. I’m not talking about minor decisions here. I’m talking major concerns. For instance, I believe we would all agree that our nation has some huge challenges right now. We are at crossroads moments on lots of issues.

 

Our scientists are telling us our planet has about 20-plus years to make some changes in the ways we do lives. We have to make some changes in the ways we do our living in order to have an environment, a climate, capable of producing a sustainable future. These are not small things. They are major crossroads.

 

Our church, right now, is at a crossroads. This very hour our people are meeting to discuss various options. A number of them are available to us about our future. We stand at a crossroads.

 

Many people would say, “Of course, we obviously would want to walk in God’s way. Indeed, when we come to crossroads moments, why is it that we don’t just automatically default to God’s way?”

 

The answer is fairly obvious. It’s because God’s way, quite frankly, is more difficult. It involves change. It’s going to take a lot of work. That’s difficult.

 

Just look at all of the work involved in the key verse that this series is based on.

 

Jeremiah 6:16 says, “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

 

You will find what God wants for your future. You will find… We will find… what God wants for our future.

 

Last week, hopefully we learned that to really live God’s way, you and I, like all people, have to move past our past. The reason is because God has. God has moved past your past. So, you need to move past your past so that you can receive what God wants for your future. Otherwise, we get stuck back in the past. We have a roadblock – something that stands in our way – to receive what God wants for us tomorrow.

 

Today I want us to look at the second roadblock that stands in the way of everyone’s future. That is the roadblock of conflict. Now conflict, as you know, is probably not one of your favorite words. It’s not mine. I couldn’t even use it in the bulletin this week. I ended up calling “conflict” a “disagreement.”

 

You probably already know this, but the concept of conflict comes from the word flict, which means “afflicted by,” and con, which is associated with “constipation.” So, “conflict” means “afflicted by constipation.” Now you probably already knew that. I’m sorry. Isn’t it amazing what we can do with words? I love that.

 

I don’t know if this is true for you, but when I have conflict in my life, I get all tied up in knots. It just screws up my whole being. I hate it. I hate conflict. I really hate it when I have conflict with people I love, that I care about, that I know. I just want it fixed. I want it fixed yesterday. If I can’t have it fixed immediately, I just pretend it doesn’t exist. Or at least I try to. I don’t know about you, but that darn stuff just won’t leave me alone. Have you noticed that? I think about it. I think about it day and night. I replay what’s going on. I go through all these scenarios. I obsess over it. I eat stuff, and I drink stuff. I get bloated, and that’s where the definition comes from.

 

When I do conflict wrong, I don’t have any peace in my life. Anybody here know what I’m talking about?

 

Now, I also know there are people here today who love conflict. There are always a few in every group. We have them here. We gently call you, “Psychos.” We do it in a spirit of love. I want you to know that. Of course, I didn’t just make that up. For nearly 40 years of working with people, I’ve observed that most normal people don’t like conflict. We just don’t. 

 

I recently read about a survey that was conducted. It was an admittedly unscientific survey on conflict. About 5,000 people responded. Two-thirds of the respondents were female. One-third of the respondents were male. I could tell you about that, but I don’t want any more conflict.

 

The first question was: “When you have conflict with someone, what is your first response?” Now, ladies, according to the survey, you want to “talk it out.” That was the lady’s overwhelmingly number one answer. 

 

Gentlemen, “talk it out” was not your number one response. It was not number two, or three, or four. It was, in fact, number five. You see… Guys would pretty much rather die than talk. For men, the number one way you would want to respond is “deal only when necessary.” If that doesn’t work, number two is “avoid.” That’s the guys. Those are the top two responses.

 

Now the next question on this survey was: “Once you’re in conflict, what’s your primary goal?” Ladies, your number one goal, when you’re in a conflict, according to the survey, is “to be heard.” Oh, that’s nice. Number two, if not “to be heard,” then “to be understood.”

 

Guys, was yours to be heard or understood? No! Your number one goal, once you’re in a conflict, is “fix it.” “Get ‘er done.” “Clean it up.” 

 

Now, one of the options that was offered was “to win.” Now guess who picked that. The guys or the girls? It was guys, four to one. For guys, winning is everything. It’s all about competition.

 

Generally, what we’ve learned about conflict is most people don’t like conflict. The vast, vast majority of people want to figure out a good way, a healthy way to deal with it when it arises.

 

If you’re not in conflict right now, congratulations. But please don’t gloat, because it’s coming. OK? It’s on its way. It’s in the rearview mirror of your life and mine. Since we know it is coming, let’s maybe do a little preparation today. 

 

Let’s take a look at the Bible. I want to show you two people, in the Bible, who are in conflict. Now heads up on this. I want you to know ahead of time, that in this story I’m going to tell you, it doesn’t turn out all nice, and neat, and tidy. Nor does everybody, at the end of the story, live happily ever after and are B.F.F. What does B.F.F. stand for? “Best Friends Forever.” You have some 20-year-old friends, too. Don’t you. They don’t all turn out as B.F.F.

 

Now, this conflict, however, in the Bible, involves two key people. The first is Paul, and the second person is a guy by the name of Barnabas. If you don’t know anything about these biblical characters, don’t worry. It’s all right. It’s no big deal, because you are going to get a handle on them here in just a moment.

 

The ingredients of their conflict are the exact same ingredients as yours and mine. These are universal ingredients for all conflicts:

1.      Trust issues.

2.      Unmet expectations.

3.      Family dynamics.

4.      Strong opinions.

5.      Personal chemistry.

These are the big five.

 

Just for curiosity, how many of you have ever had a conflict around any of those five things? A show of hands? Yes.

 

It seems to me that it would be good for us to jump into this story. Let’s take a look at this story.

 

In Acts 15:36, Paul says to Barnabas, “Let’s return to each city where we previously preached the Word of God, to see how the new believers are getting along.”

 

Now, that’s a good idea. It’s a simple, little ask. “Barney, let’s take a road trip. We’ve traveled together before. You know my quirks. I know yours. It will be good to see the folks. Let’s go.”

 

You see… Conflict always begins with simple, little asks. (I said that right. Didn’t I?) Simple, little asks. Simple, little stuff that happens. You know about this. 

 

A friend of mine bought the three adult females in his family beautiful leather coats one Christmas. The only problem was the coats were all size 3. There was no harm intended, I’m sure. He had positive motives, and they were on sale. Nobody wore a size 3, but that’s all right. We all have started a conflict occasionally.

 

Ladies, when you bought that treadmill for your husband for his birthday, you thought it would be good. You knew it wasn’t on his list, but you knew it would be good for him. It would be a benefit. You knew that. Didn’t you? It was a pure motive.

 

Then there are those of you who are single but live with others. You eat your roommate’s food. Is there anybody here who does that? I’m sure there were the best of intentions. You don’t want the food to spoil. You don’t want money to go to waste. You were thinking of somebody else. Weren’t you? Those little kinds of things start conflict.

 

Now in Acts 15:37: “Barnabas agreed to this trip and wanted to take along John Mark.”

 

John Mark, as you may know, happens to be Barnabas’ cousin. All of a sudden we have family dynamics going here. I could really give you some juicy illustrations, but the boss said, “No more family illustrations.” 

 

So, second best, let’s have a show of hands. How many of you have a rude cousin? How many of you are the rude cousin? That is sort of what’s going on here. 

 

I don’t want to be misquoted here. There is no indication in Scripture that John Mark is rude, except for the fact that he has two first names. OK? Alice Jane. Billy Bob. Betty Lou. John Mark. Anyway, I’m getting into more conflict.

 

Verse 38: “But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted him in Pamphylia and had not shared in their work.”

 

Isn’t that interesting? Not just “disagreed.” It says, “strongly disagreed.” That’s about as strong a verb as the Bible has. “Strongly disagreed.” 

 

All of a sudden we have passion. We have conviction here. What’s Paul so passionate about? What’s he upset about? We don’t really know. Something happened.

 

Acts 13:13 gives us a little bit of a clue: “Now Paul and those with him left Paphos by ship for Pamphylia where John Mark left them and returned to Jerusalem.”

 

Why did he leave them? We don’t know. There was some kind of a conflict. That’s my point.  

 

What we do know is that Paul and Barnabas are two very different personalities. You can rather imagine Paul. He is this driven kind of guy. He’s very ambitious. He’s on the go all the time. On his day off, he writes half the New Testament. He’s one of those types of people. 

 

Then there is Barnabas. Barnabas means “the Son of Encouragement.” He’s sort of a mentor, a cheerleader type. He’s a confidence builder. He’s sort of a Stephen Minister kind of person. He sort of comes along beside, helps people out. That sort of personality.

 

They are two totally different personalities. They are wired totally differently. Sort of like my wife and I. One of us is wound a little tight. The other one is pretty laid back. I’ll let you guess which is which. See; I’m getting deeper and deeper into this conflict situation.

 

The point: Barnabas votes “yes” to take John Mark along. Paul votes “no.” There is no one around to break the tie. A conflict boils over.

 

Verse 39: “Their disagreement over this was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed to Cyprus. Paul chose Silas, and the believers sent them off, entrusting them to the Lord’s grace.” (I bet they did.) “So they traveled throughout Syria to strengthen the churches there.”

 

What I want you to take home with you today from this sermon is their conflict did not stop their mission. OK? It didn’t split up the church. It could have. It’s happened in other places. Maybe you’ve been part of something like that. It didn’t happen here. In the midst of what was going on, God made lemonade out of lemons. I love that.

 

Paul went in one direction. Barnabas went in another direction. Guess what? Both of them did what God wanted them to do. God’s work still got done. Their conflict did not stand in the way of the mission. That’s what I want you to hear. They just didn’t travel together.

 

Please note. What could have happened… What often happens when conflict occurs… is that we tend to default to dealing with it just the way the world teaches us. When somebody gets upset with you… When you get upset with somebody… you start bad-mouthing, trash-talking. You talk about people, and then things turn ugly. Emotions take over, and you start thinking about ways to attack, and to blame, and to gossip, and to sabotage, and to send 20 pizzas to their house at ten o’clock at night. Oh, you don’t do that. Do you?

 

Folks, people don’t always agree. That’s not news to you. Christians don’t always agree. I hope that’s not news to you. Here’s the point: Conflict can be peaceful. Conflict can be God-honoring, and it can happen this way. It can be God-honoring when we disagree without being disagreeable. Are you with me? It happens when we can disagree and still choose to walk in God’s way. It can happen when we disagree and yet focus on the more important thing than our disagreement. That is what God wants, whatever that might be.

 

The point: Conflict is inevitable. But here’s the good news. Misery is optional.

 

Paul put it this way. It’s one of my favorite passages of Scripture. He says in Romans 12,  “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live in peace with everyone.”

 

Let me say that again. Put this one on your fridge. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live in peace with everyone.”

 

Now, before we go any further, I need to say this. I know what I’m talking about today is not going to solve some of the major conflicts some of you are facing this very day. Some are here who are carrying around serious misery. My suggestion simply is get some serious help. There needs to be some serious intervention, some professional care, that will help you, that will assist you to move from where you are to where God wants you to be. 

 

Having said that, I want to offer you four Christian things that you can do when conflict occurs. I do think there are Christian things you can do.

 

Number One: Expect God to do something great in the midst of the conflict. 

 

That’s a great one. Let me say that again. Expect God to do something great in the midst of that conflict. Typically when conflict happens, we think, “bummer.” We think, “stomach ache.” But what if the next time conflict occurs, you think, “Wow! Awesome. Good. God’s going to show up. What good thing is God going to do with this?

 

Oh, my gosh. Change that perspective, folks, and you can change the way you do conflict. Consequently, you can change, I believe, how that conflict may well turn out.

 

Number Two: Reject the world’s way, which is usually the way we have been taught. Reject the way the world teaches you to do conflict.

 

The world teaches you to do what? Attack. Fight. Destroy. Defeat. Pray that the person you are angry with gets bit by a rare spider and their skin falls off. All kinds of stuff. That’s the world’s way you have been taught. I’ve been taught to do conflict that way. 

 

I want you to reject that. I know it’s hard. I know it, because when conflict hits, it touches our basic instincts. Doesn’t it? It causes us to see red. Revenge seems justifiable. Anger feels right and normal. It’s so much easier to take that route than it is to take the route of peace.

 

Here’s what I want you to hear. God wants you and me, and God’s people to seek peace as far as it is possible. OK?

 

So, if you are going to give a “yes” to peace, then you are going to have to give a “no” to attacking, blaming, avenging, getting even, and all that other stuff that goes with it. Reject it.

 

Number Three: Forgive before engagement. 

 

Now, I’m not talking about those of you who are seriously dating. But that might not be a bad idea. Forgive before engagement.

 

What I’m talking about is the fact there is a responsibility that has been placed upon those of us who have, in fact, experienced God’s forgiveness and who have, in fact, decided to follow Jesus. If you consider yourself a Christ follower, forgiving other people is not optional. That’s the bottom line. Sorry. It’s not optional. It’s required.

 

That means when tension and conflict occur, you and I need to either go have that conversation with that person and offer forgiveness, or we need to just forgive that person and overlook the offense. Just move on. Sometimes that’s the wisest thing to do.

 

Proverbs 19 says, “A person’s wisdom gives them patience. It is to their glory to overlook an offense.”

 

So, if you can overlook one, more power to you. If you can overlook an offense and move on, do it. But, if every time you see that person who gives you the heebie-jeebies, go have that conversation. Either way, folks, it doesn’t matter. Either way it’s all about forgiveness. It’s about forgiveness so that you and others can live in peace. When we live in peace, and when we have experienced forgiveness, then we can get on with our mission, whatever that is that God has given us.

 

Number Four: Work toward resolution without escalation or a victory dance. 

 

Are you getting tired of the victory dances? There are people who are all about winning. The winners feel like they have a need to have a victory dance, just to rub it in a little bit. They feel like they have to continue to deflate the opponent just a little bit more.

 

I want you to reject that. Move toward resolution without escalation. Folks, when you and I, as Christians, go into conflict, we need to go into that conflict with forgiving hearts. Sometimes that means we have to go talk to a person privately. When we go, we might want to say something like this: “I don’t feel good about what’s happening here. I must have done something to hurt you or to offend you. I’d like to make that right. Could we talk about that?”

 

Folks, that’s working toward resolution. Now granted – you need to hear this – you may not get the response you want, but regardless of how the other person responds, you have done your part to make peace. That is what the Spirit of the Living Christ, not only expects of you, but requires of you and me.

 

So, here’s a phrase to remember this week: Conflict is inevitable, but misery is optional. So, in conflict, choose peace.

 

Now, my guess is, as I’ve been speaking, there’s a name that has popped into your mind – maybe an image of a person has risen. That is someone, I believe, the Spirit is prompting you to move toward, to deal with, so that it will not be a roadblock to your future, so you can go on pursuing peace. The Spirit is prompting you so you can go on living the way God wants you to live in this world. 

 

If that is happening to you right now, I’m going to ask you to write down that name or initials, or just do it in your mind. Do something right now – just a step. I’m not suggesting you deal with it right now, obviously, or even right after worship, but I want to encourage you to begin the journey and to have that conversation if need be. 

 

Do your very best to live in peace, because peace, folks, begins here, and it begins among the folks here. World peace begins right here. When we choose peace, God always wins.

 

Oh, by the way, later in life, Paul wrote a really loving and wonderful piece about Barnabas’ ministry. Later still, down the road, John Mark and Paul became partners. They got together, and they worked together. They did some important projects together. Indeed, John Mark was so reconciled with these guys and the other members of the community of faith, he ended up writing one of the gospels in your Book. You know which one that is, of course. It’s the unanimous testimony of the early Church, that your gospel of Mark was written by John Mark, which proves, I think, once again, that when we choose peace, God always wins.

 

And all the people say… “Amen.” 

 

God, we come to the crossroads. We stand and ponder which way to go. The pathways are not clear, nor are they conflict free. Let us not fear the confusion, but breathe in your Holy Spirit as guide and guardian. As we choose, let us use your cross as our compass and move in a loving direction. Amen.