Lord God, in this hour of worship may we feel you within us, rearranging our loves and desires, and refurbishing our hearts as your home. Amen.

 

 

 

 

Good Morning to everybody. We are so glad to have you here with us today. If you are a first-time visitor or have been away for a while, we extend a special word of welcome to each of you. You may or may not know we have been in a series for some Sundays. We are focused on God’s universal principle of balance. It is the principle that seems to operate at the very heart of the created universe. We believe it is the Spirit’s desire that we seek to put balance back into our generally unbalanced lives. For weeks now, we have looked at things that make for mental, physical, spiritual, and even emotional balance. Today we are going to wrap up the series by taking a look at social balance.

 

Genesis 2:18says, “It is not good for people to be alone.”

 

Loneliness, folks, is not a part of God’s intent for us. We are social beings. The Creator made us for relationships. We were meant to have friends.

 

Please note, there are basically two different kinds of friends. There are casual friends, and then there are close, personal friends. 

 

Casual friends, as you can guess, come in large numbers. They result, primarily, out of the circumstances in which we find ourselves. It may be the people you live next to. It may be the people you work with in the same office. It may be the folks you go to school with. It may be the people with whom you attend PTA. It may even be some of the people you go to church with. You just happen to be in the same circumstances together. You would be, what we call, “a casual friend.”

 

Close friends are the result of choices. You can’t be close friends with everybody. That means we have to be selective. We have no choice. The fact is, the closer I am to a person, the greater the impact that person has on my life. Therefore, I must choose. You must choose. We must choose close, personal friends very carefully. It’s important. Don’t let it happen by default. Choose them carefully.

 

Now, I must tell you, in 40 years, I have never preached a sermon on “Friends.” I’m not sure exactly why. Perhaps it sounds a little too much like Mr. Rogers. I don’t know. You would think friends are just something we would all know about. My experience, however, indicates that is not true. The fact is, the Bible, as you are going to see, has a great deal to say about selecting your friends.

 

Let’s start with Proverbs 27:19. It says, “A mirror reflects a person’s face, but what that person is really like is shown by the kind of friends that person chooses.”

 

Proverbs 12:26says, “A righteous person – a person who tries to seek to do what is right – is cautious in friendships.”

 

Now, I take that to mean you and I need to avoid certain types of people as we choose, not just casual friends, but close, personal friends. That is what I am talking about. What types would those be? I’m going to name some for you today, right out of Scripture.

 

The first folks you might really want to consider avoiding, in terms of making them your close, personal friends, are lazy people. Second Thessalonians 3:6 says, “Keep away from those who are unwilling to work.”

 

Those people, who have chosen, not because they have to, but essentially have chosen to be very lazy, are not persons you would probably want to consider to be your closest friend.

 

Number two: angry people. Proverbs 22:24says, “Do not make friends with hot-tempered people, or you can get yourself ensnared – tangled up – and before you know, you, too, may become a hot-tempered person yourself.”

 

Number three: immoral people – people who may or may not go to church – but people who, in fact, know the difference between right and wrong. They choose an immoral lifestyle anyway. They are people who call themselves Christians but, in fact, dishonor Christ. It’s reprehensible. It’s degrading. They are not, what I consider, material to be your closest friends. First Corinthians 5:9 says, “I have written you in my letter not to associate with immoral people…”

 

Number four: greedy people. Ecclesiastes 5:10 says, “Whoever loves money never has enough.”

 

Those are the folks who are driven by an excessive, intensive, selfish desire for more, and more, and more. They abhor stewardship. They abhor generosity. Instead, they tend to be close-fisted. They are miserly. They hoard. They are not a good formula for close, personal friends.

 

Number five: people who choose not to believe in God. This is a hard one.  Second Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not yoke yourself together with unbelievers.”

 

Why? Simply because they are very proud of their atheism. They have no quarrels, no qualms about doing what is wrong as long as they don’t get caught, as long as they can get away with it. They tend to be very self-absorbed and self-centered. 

 

Jan and I tried to be really close, personal friends from a couple coming from this camp sometime ago. You know what? It really didn’t work. In fact, we found it really grating on us. It messed us up. We found ourselves feeling guilty, because we felt so uncomfortable about so much of what was going on in the relationship at the time. The good times we had simply didn’t offset the bad times, and so the two of us had to make an intentional choice. We were miles and miles apart on the fundamentals, on the basics, on the foundational stuff, and nary did those two places come together. It was a hard choice, but it had to be made.

 

So, what do you do with these persons? Do we act like snobs? Are you getting the feeling that I’m suggesting we shun such people, that we don’t pay attention to them? Of course not. You know better than that. Being a follower of Jesus means we love, we care about everybody, even our enemies. But, that doesn’t mean we are to make these persons our closest personal friends. The reason is they have influence in ways that affect you, and in ways you do not want to go.

 

So, similarly, I suggest, there are some kinds of folks the Bible says we ought to consider to seek as close, personal friendships and relationships. There are three types of friends we ought to seek.

 

Number one: Seek close friends who will stimulate you mentally. Proverbs 13:20 says, “The one who walks with the wise grows wise. An iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

 

Close, personal friends are part, not the only part, but one part of our education. We learn from our close, personal friends. Do your friends make you think? Do your friends put you to sleep? Do your friends stimulate, motivate, bring out the best in you, or do they bore you to tears? Close, personal friends should stimulate you mentally.

 

Number two: Seek friends who support you emotionally. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times…”

 

A friend is someone who walks in when everybody else walks out. A friend is someone who is with you in tough times.

 

Connie Johnson and her friends were in the Dominican Republic last week vacationing. Connie fell and broke her hip in a third-world country. Let me tell you… You want to have your close friends stick with you. She was flown back to the United States and is in Boone Hospital today.

 

You want folks who are with you. As Simon and Garfunkel use to sing, “Like a bridge over troubled waters.”

 

Exactly. The Bible talks about it this way: Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens.”

 

You can count on these people in a crisis. They support you emotionally. They stimulate you mentally.

 

Number three: They strengthen you spiritually. First Thessalonians 5:11says, “Encourage one another and build each other up.”

 

Hebrews 10:24 says, “Spur one another on toward love and good works.”

 

Folks, we Christians need good, close, personal friends who are spiritual encouragers. We need somebody that we can share the struggles we all face. We need somebody who can pray with us and is comfortable doing that, or at least is willing to try. We need somebody who really lifts us up as an encourager, not a discourager, of your spiritual life. Now, I have found for me, those are my friends in my small group. I have nurtured and developed relationships with them over a number of years. They strengthen me spiritually and in a variety of other ways.

 

The question today is, “How? How do you attract this kind of friend? How do you build close, close, personal friendships for life?” I have a couple suggestions for you. I’m going to number them for you as I mention them.

 

Number one: Get interested in other people. Proverbs 18:24says, “One who wants to have friends must show themselves to be friendly.”

 

You know this. Selfishness, self-absorption, self-centeredness is a guarantee for loneliness. If it is all about your needs, and your aches, and your pains, and your achievements, and your plans, and your goals, and your desires, the likelihood of attracting a close, personal friend is right near zero. You need to get interested in other people.

 

Philippians 2:4 says, “Each of you should look, not only after your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

 

That’s the starting point, getting interested in other people.

 

Number two: There is power in your smile. This sounds sort of strange, but just think about this. Proverbs 15:13 says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful.”

 

There is enormous power in your smile. When the Johnsons and friends were in another country, they didn’t speak Spanish, and those folks didn’t speak English. Let me tell you, however, a smile went a long, long way. It is a universal language. It’s understood in every culture. It’s a powerful tool in relationships. You smile at somebody; they smile back automatically. It’s amazing.

 

Folks, a sour-puss Christian is an embarrassment to God. Did you know that? It’s an insult to God. I’ll tell you how you can figure this out. Have you ever noticed how a room lights up when some Christians walk out? They are an embarrassment to God. There should not be such a thing? 

 

How many of you are glad to be here today? How many are looking forward to the week ahead? Good. Good! I have a suggestion. Notify your face. OK? Why? Because there is power in your smile.

 

Number three: Don’t be a chronic complainer. Oh, my gosh! Does anybody know anybody like this? They just always gripe. They are always complaining. They always have this ache and that pain, and there is always something wrong with absolutely everything. I don’t have time for that. Do you? That person’s chance for friendship, folks, is near zilch. Who likes to be around a Grinch?

 

Now, these folks often sign up for and get together in what is called, “The Ain’t It Awful Club.” Do you know that one? It’s a small group that is not sanctioned by this church. It meets sort of underground. They are sort of birds of a feather; they seem to find each other. Most of us whom I have experienced in this community of faith are simply not going to go there. 

 

Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without complaining or arguing.”

 

You may have seen this on the news. Some preacher in Florida made a huge batch of wristbands. Have you seen or heard about that? It is sort of the “Live Strong” – a Lance Armstrong kind of deal. Except on this particular arm band, he printed, “No Complaining.” He handed it out to everybody in his congregation. He said, “Number One: I want you to wear it. Number Two: I want you to practice no complaining for six weeks. It’s going to be hard.” It was such a hit, the company that produces these things is back-ordered two to four months. I was going to bring you a bunch, but I couldn’t get them.

 

You may have heard about the man who went to see his florist. He chewed the owner up one side and down the other and said, “I came in here last week. I ordered a beautiful bouquet for my best friend’s housewarming. I went to the housewarming. There was the bouquet with a card that read, ‘Rest in peace.’”

 

The florist said, “You think you have a problem? You’re lucky. Do you realize there is some graveside that has a bouquet that says, ‘Good luck on your new location’?”

 

There is always something to gripe about. Always! But if you want close friends… If you even want casual friends, get over the complaining. Nobody wants to hear it.

 

If you have a problem, see a Stephen Minister. We have people trained to do that. They can listen till the cows come home. But everybody else is not interested. No complaining.

 

Number four: Be a good listener. James 1:19 says, “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.”

 

Questions are to friendship, what food is to the body. I have an experiment for you.  I know a lot of you socialize, go to parties, this, that, and the other. You get invited to all kinds of settings. The next time you go to a party, I want you to pick a total stranger in the room, somebody you have never met before. Go up to that person, and I want you to get them talking about themselves. I simply suggest ask questions. Do not say one word about yourself. Try that for 15 minutes. Then, if you have been able to pull that off, just walk away. I want to tell you something. They are going to think you are the most interesting, most intelligent person at the party they have ever met. The reason is because you let them talk about their favorite subject, which is themselves. Learn to listen. People will automatically enjoy your company.

 

Number five: Accept others unconditionally. Romans 15:7 says, “Accept each other, just as Christ accepted you.”

 

Do you want a true friend? Give up that notion you have in your mind that you know what that other person ought to do and what they ought to be. Give it up. Give up trying to change others. Nobody wants to be friends with somebody who is trying to change them. Change comes after acceptance, not before. It has been true through the ages. Why do you think the number one, most popular hymn ever written in the past 150 years starts with the words, “Just as I am?” Why do you think that is so?

  

“Just as I am.” It starts with acceptance.

 

Everybody in this community is a little cracked, but we’re all still pretty good eggs. I tend to think that most of us like each other in spite of the fact we are not perfect. That’s because we accept each other just as Christ accepted us.

 

Number six: Help others feel significant. Romans 12:10 says, “Honor one another above yourselves.”

 

Help people to feel important. Bring out the best in others. People blossom under approval. They open up under affirmation. They grow under appreciation. They flourish when we treat them with respect. Help people feel significant.

 

Number seven: Sympathize with others. A question today: Would you call yourself a sensitive person? Are you? Are you a sensitive person? Do you get involved emotionally with others? 

 

Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

 

Be sensitive to other people. Tune in to them. Mother Teresa, who won the Nobel Prize for Peace in 1979, said, “In the West [meaning our culture – the Western culture] there is something called loneliness, which I call the Leprosy of the West.”

 

Isn’t that an interesting phrase? “The Leprosy of the West.” “In many ways,” she said, “it is worse than our poor in Calcutta.”

 

Want a friend? Want a real friend? Want to be a friend? Sympathize with others.

 

Number eight: Stick with a friend in tough times. Proverbs 18:24 says, “There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother or a sister.”

 

Folks, I think it takes four things to build close, personal friendship. 1) It takes time. 2) It takes togetherness. 3) It takes some triumphs. 4) It takes some trials. It takes all four of those things.

 

All of you know you don’t need a lot of friends, but every single one of us needs at least one close, personal friend – someone who has time for you, someone who is available to you, someone who gets excited about your good fortune, and someone who is in your corner when you find yourself cornered. You need somebody who walks in whenever everybody else walks out. Stick with your friend in tough times.

 

Number nine: Share your faith with your friends. In Luke 8, Jesus tells a man he has healed, “Go home, and tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell them how much God has done for you.”

 

One of the greatest things you can do for a friend is to share your faith, share your encounter with the Spirit of the Living God. Share it with your friends. Have you ever done that? It is not something we are used to.

 

“Well, what would I share?”

 

What would you share? What would you share with a close, personal friend about your faith? Jesus said it very well, “Share what the Creator has done for you.”

 

Has the Creator done anything for you? Can you name it? Could you say it? Share it. 

 

Share possibly something like: “I grew up in a culture and an environment that said I was nothing but a random accident, and I’m only here on this earth for a short time. And that’s it, but I have found One who said, “I am known by name from the very beginning. I am one who has been fearfully, and awesomely, and wonderfully made.” I have a purpose and a reason for being here on this earth. I know what it is.”

 

Share that with a friend. Have you ever had that conversation? 

 

You might share with them, “I use to be a person who had a lot of problems with worry, and anxiety, and hopelessness. I’d look at the world, and it’s such a mess. I have found, however, One who showed me faith, and trust, and love, and hope. I used to feel like I was just part of this huge universe. I was just a small nothing, but now I have found a Leader, a Lord, a Healer, the Son of the Living God, who is with me, and for me, and encourages me, and loves me, and watches over me. Wow!”

 

“I remember what it was like to be afraid to die. I’m not looking forward to it, particularly. I was afraid of life ending. I was horrified by the thought I hear over and over and over again in this culture that my life is wrapped up simply in nothing more than the memories of other people. But somewhere along the line, I came to know someone who knows me personally. I’ve come to know a Spirit that has wrapped its arms around me and embraced me. It is one who says to me over and over again, “In my Father’s house are many dwelling places, and I go to prepare a place for you, that where you are, I will be also.”

 

Folks, I think that’s why Jesus tells his followers and his disciples, in John 15:15, “I no longer call you disciples. I no longer call you servants. I call you my friends.”

 

The Creator of the universe invites you and me to be a friend. I don’t have to be afraid any more. I don’t have to cowl in fear. God, in Christ, says to those who love him and serve him, “I want you to be my friend.” I think that is absolutely awesome. So, I want us to pray for just a minute. Would you join me as we pray?

 

Lord Jesus, you came not to give us a religion. You came to give us a relationship. You came not to scare us, but to save us. You came not to hurt us, but to heal us. So today, I humbly and yet boldly and unashamedly thank you for inviting me to be your friend. I ask you to help me be a good friend, a better friend to others just as you intend. I ask it in Jesus’ name…

 

And we all say together… “Amen.”

 

 

 

Parenting God, today I pray for this family of friends. Today I ask that you hear the hopes of their hearts. I pause to thank you for them, for the encouragement we have been for each other. I ask that you make my spirit quick to respond on your behalf for all good things that can be hastened by my heart, hope, and hands joining with theirs. Amen.