Broadway Christian Church · Columbia, Missouri

Morning Worship · June 15, 2008

Fifth Sunday After Pentecost

Father’s Day

Prayer of the Day

Heavenly Father, in your wisdom and love you made all things. Be with us in this hour of worship as we seek your blessing upon the men who are striving to be Christian fathers. And grant that we, their sons and daughters, may honor them always with a spirit of profound respect.  Amen.

Scripture

Proverbs 3:1-6

My children, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,

For they prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and humanity.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge God, and God will make your paths straight.

 Message

Strong Fathers, Strong Children

Rick Frost

As we all know, it is Father’s Day. Let me just say from the get-go that the greatest group of men in the world is right here at Broadway Christian Church. I really believe that, because most of the men in this church are working, and growing, and learning how to be a good Christian, how to be a good person, how to be a good partner, how to be a good professional, and how to be, should they be so blessed, a good dad. That is a tough assignment in any venue, but nowhere is it tougher or more counter-cultural than right here in North America.  

Forty percent of this country’s children are going to go to bed tonight without a father in their home.  But it is not just having a father in the home.  We all know that.  That’s not enough. In fact, fathers in the home, who aren’t good fathers, aren’t helping us much.  It’s what kind of father is in the home that matters.  That is what I want to talk about today. I want to talk to the men who are dads now, and the young men who are thinking about becoming dads, and some of them aren’t so young.  Some of us can relate to that.  

You don’t have to be a dad today. That day is gone. That day is over. No man has to be a father unless he chooses to be a father. If you are going to be a father, there are some things you need to know. Some things have to happen.  

I thought we’d take a look at some of the things that, quite frankly, have been pooh-poohed in recent decades in our increasingly toxic pop culture. We are finding out, once again, and for some of us for the very first time, that good fathers – not just fathers – but strong fathers are, in fact, foundational to our society.  They are foundational to a stable home, and they are foundational to raising healthy children. 

There is a growing body of evidence that supports what most of us intuitively know. That is that there is a huge link between good, strong fathers and good, strong children. Not just fathers and children, but good, strong fathers and good, strong children. 

Today, I want to focus on ten of those items. They are ten secrets that every father should know, I believe. I want to name ten things that I think are very important. These are things I believe are crucial, and kids need these things from their dads.  

Number 1 – This may seem obvious to you, but I think it needs to be said publicly. Dad, you are the most important man in your children’s lives. You are deeply, deeply needed to help raise healthy, young children. They need your strength. They need the best of your masculine courage, your empathy, your assertiveness, your self-confidence, your faith, and your love. In short, they need you.

If you didn’t know that, I’m telling you today. They need a man. They need a man to join their mother, who is willing to guide, and who is willing to stand between them and an often-toxic culture, and show them, and take them to a healthier, better place.  

As you know, lots of kids are doing weird and crazy things these days. Guess what? The folks who actually work with these kids are telling us things. They are saying a lot of this weird, strange behavior is designed to see if their dad will notice.  Dad, you affirm your kid’s value with one very important thing: your attention.  Not their mother’s, not their brother’s, not their sister’s attention, but your attention.  

Cornell University did a study that discovered the average father – you may have heard this before – the average father in North America spends 37.7 seconds in direct communication with their preschoolers on a daily basis. Only 37.7 seconds with the most important man in their lives. This needs to change. 

Dad, they may take their mother for granted, but let me tell you, they don’t take you for granted. They watch you intently. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention. They sometimes wait in frustration or even despair when that attention is not forthcoming.  Guys, when your kid is in your company, they try harder to excel. When you teach them, they learn more rapidly. When you guide them, they gain self-confidence.  

The point: if you really understood how profoundly you influence your children’s lives, I think in all likelihood you’d be: (1) terrified, (2) overwhelmed, or both. You need to know just how important you are in a culture that is telling you just the opposite. You need to know that you will influence their entire lives for good or for ill. You will influence their lives, because, unconsciously or consciously, they give you something called authority. They give you an authority that they give no other man on this earth. I want you to know that. I want you to own it. I ask you humbly to live up to it. 

Number 2 – They need a hero. When you think of kids and heroes, you may think of Batman, or Ironman, or Fireman, or some kind of man.  I have some news for you. Your kids want a hero, and guess who they have chosen - YOU. 

Think about heroes for a minute. They protect and they preserve. They are people who have faith. They love. They understand right and wrong. Most importantly, they act on it. 

James 2:17 says, “Faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead.”

Real heroes are humble people, but for those they rescue, they are bigger than life. 

Why do kids need a hero?  They need a hero because, simply, they live in a very complex, growingly-difficult society, many times in a treacherous, popular culture. You and I know it is a culture that way too early entices our kids and is tempting them down the road to adulthood that they are not ready for. 

As toddlers, they look up to you. They see this enormous frame. They realize you’re big, that you’re smart, and that you’re strong. When they are in grade school, they instinctively turn to you for direction. And whatever outward impression they may give you, their young life is centered in finding out what you like about them. Did you know that?  They want to know what you want from them. They give you an authority, because they need you to love them and to adore them. They cannot feel good about themselves until they know you feel good about them. And that means you need to use this incredible authority, which you probably don’t even know you have, carefully and wisely. 

Your children do not want you to be their equal. They do not want you to be their friend. They want you to be a hero: someone who is wiser, who is smarter, who is steadier, and who is stronger than they are. There is a fundamental principle operating here. The principle is that having an authority makes people feel good. Having an authority makes people feel secure. 

Now, instinctively, we buck that authority. We fight that authority. We question it. We resist it. But when the sky falls in, we run to it. When we are confronted with problems, and challenges, and messes that we cannot get ourselves out of, we want someone with answers. We want someone who knows what to do, who can offer support, and who can lend a helping hand. 

Your kids may not like your mannerisms, your clothes, or your rules, but they will respect you if you live your moral beliefs and if you act decisively.  If you do that, you will be a hero in their eyes. Don’t back out, don’t cave, and don’t leave this to someone else, because I can guarantee you that if you do, someone else will fill that void in their life. Gentlemen, you are made a man for a reason. I want to ask you to listen to the best that is within you, and I want to ask you to do the right thing, and be a hero to your children.

Number 3 – They need your love; they need your affection. Folks, if you love somebody, you show it. Right?  Dad, that means you’re going to have to do something really tough here. You’re going to have to tell your kids these words, the big words, “I LOVE YOU.” Can you say that?  “I love you.” That’s all we have to do. We have to help them, not only hear these words, but they have to feel them, and they have to feel that love. That means they need your hugs. They need your kisses. They need your appropriate, tender touch. 

Do you know that children get six times more affection from their mothers than from their fathers? Why in the world is that?  Is there any reason?  There is none, absolutely none. Some say, “Well I wasn’t raised that way.”  Well, hey, I wasn’t either, but you change. You don’t do it the way your dad did. You do it a new way. 

You say, “Hey, my kids are already thirty-years-old.”  So what?  I have one that’s forty. It is never too late to start showing affection and telling them about your love. 

But most of all, you need to let your kids know that nothing they can do will ever be able to make you stop loving them. It can make you angry. They can make you sad. They can disappoint you. They can frustrate the dickens out of you. Sometimes they can be a real pain in the neck. However, that does not mean you will ever, ever accept their unacceptable behavior. If that’s the case, but your love is unconditional, you need to say that to them. 

You say, “Well, you know, they’re like Tim Russert, who said, ‘My dad never used the word.  I knew it, but he never used the word. He was from the old school’.”

The old school?  No! You have to tell them. You have to say it with words and actions. The Bible says it this way, “Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading in its hope; it can outlast anything.” Love your children unconditionally. 

Number 4 – Teach them humility. Many people roll their eyes when I use the word “humility.” They associate humility with weakness, with lowliness. That’s not what it means at all. We want our children to be strong. We want them to be good. We want them to be successful. Genuine humility is the starting place of all the other virtues. It means to have a proper perspective of oneself. It means you know that every single person on this planet, including that woman who is homeless down on the street, including every person on this planet is a child of God.  God created them, and God loves them just as much as God loves you. You are no better or no worse in God’s eyes. That’s humility. You know who you are. 

Wow, you know what your place is. You know you have a purpose. You know you bring certain God-given talents to the table. You have a reason for being here, and that’s humility. Humility teaches kids that it’s not just all about them. They’re getting bombarded every single day that tells them just the opposite. Humility keeps them from the disaster of self-indulgence, self-centeredness, and the arrogance of decadence. This whole “I deserve it” syndrome is a bigger problem than we know. 

Of course, Dads, humility doesn’t make sense to anybody, unless you are the guys who are going to model it. Humility is knowing who you are, where you come from, and where you’re going. 

I believe most of you know that Tim Russert, of “Meet The Press,” passed away on Friday at 58-years-old.  He was one of the most powerful, successful, intelligent, likeable men in America. He never forgot where he came from. He never forgot he came from blue-collar, Irish, Catholics stock. His father was a garbage collector in South Buffalo, New York. Tim was a devout Christian, a devoted family man, named Father of the Year in three different national venues in the past six years, and he saw himself as a “temporary custodian.” I love that. A temporary custodian of a national treasure, and do you know what that treasure is?  It is the gift that we have in this country to differ, and to debate, and to make choices about the great issues of the day that are going to affect your life and mine. That is an incredible treasure.

Tim Russert was not only a great guy, but he was also a humble person. He modeled this for his son Luke. I learned a lot about him this week. 

The Bible says, “Clothe yourself in humility toward one another” (1 Peter 5:5).

Number 5 – Protect and defend them.  Sigmund Freud said, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.” 

Now, you know that to protect means to keep safe from harm and from injury.  When my little girl was three years old, a little playmate came from next door and they were playing outside. I was watching them, and he hit her when she wouldn’t give him the toy she was playing with. I am married to an early- childhood specialist who knows all about the management of three-year-old conflicts, but I used all of my great talents, and I told the kid that if he ever touched my daughter again, I would hang him by his thumbs from the tree in his front yard.  He never came back to play after that. I don’t know why.

Jan thought I was a little over reactive, over the top, but I could handle that type of attack. Guys, we can handle that. The one we are not handling is the one that is much bigger. That is the attack coming from an aggressive, gazillion- dollar campaign aimed at our kids’ budding sexuality. That campaign is turned up full blast 24/seven in this country. That campaign is more persuasive, and more powerful, and more graphic than it has ever been in this country’s history. The results are starting to come in.

There is evidence of the growing damage your kid and my kid are experiencing physically, emotionally, and psychologically in terms of their health.  It is staggering. Today pediatricians are recording, in medical journals, epidemics of sexually-transmitted diseases, not just with twenty-year-olds and thirty-year-olds, but with teenagers. There are young teens who are having sex in a number of ways, way too early and with an increasing number of partners, resulting in a rapidly-increasing number of kids suffering in this country from very serious and emotional trauma and genuine depression.  

Point: Dad, you need to protect them. You have to get over this notion that if you expect them to make good decisions, they are just going to do that. This doesn’t happen. They don’t have the skills to do it. You need to protect them and defend them.  As uncomfortable as it is for us to think about and talk about the sexual activity of our kids, we have to do it.  They look up to you, Dad, to tell them with words what is right, and what is wrong, what they should do, and what they should not do.  Don’t leave that to somebody else. I know this is tough for some dads, because they are saying, “I was sexually active when I was in high school, and how in the world can I talk to my kids about anything different?”  

Hey, face it, guys. Whatever you did then does not disqualify you from being the dad you need to be now.  Your kids are at risk. You need to protect them. And to be brutally honest with you, you need to hear, they don’t want to hear about your sex life. What they want to hear from you is what the rules are and when is it appropriate to have sex and why. That’s it.  Keep it simple, straight-forward, loving, and respectable.  

Oh, by the way, check out the outstanding retreat we offer seventh graders here at Broadway Christian Church pertaining to sexuality.  It is stellar.  Your seventh grader needs to be in it. If it’s too late for the kids who have passed seventh grade, maybe it will be for your grandkids. But when they are in seventh grade, they need to be a part of this retreat. You are going to have to sign them up, and you will have to drag them, because they are not going to be real excited about it. Then you are going to have to go out and find them to get them back home, because it really speaks to them.  It’s amazing what our kids want to hear and need to hear about their sexuality in the seventh grade.

Number 6 – They need your pragmatism and grit. Generally, guys, we see problems differently than our women counterparts. That’s a surprise to all of us, I’m sure. Women tend to want to talk about things. They want to analyze things. They want to feel things, and they want to understand situations. We, on the other hand say, “Here is the problem; here is the solution; get it done.”  

Guys, the best of your masculinity means strength, and courage, and resolve. If you, and me, and the men of this country simply used 20 percent of our intellect, our physical, emotional, and spiritual energy that we use at work when we got home, we’d be living in a different country today.  They need your pragmatism, and they need your grit.  

Number 7 – Be the man you want him to be, and be the man you want her to marry. Dad, you are the man who is, in fact, going to model for good or for ill masculinity to your boy. You are also, for good or for ill, the man who is going to teach your daughter about men, because she is going to measure every single man she encounters from here on out by you, for good or for ill. Where in the world do you go for that help?  The Bible says, “Be imitators of God.” 

That is about the best I can offer. Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us. Show your kids what healthy love looks like.  Put your family second only to God.   

Number 8 – Speaking of God, teach them who God is.  Your children need God. And guess what, Dad? They want you to be the one to show them who God is, what God feels about them, and what does God expect of them.  Can you answer those questions? Can you engage your children in that conversation? They want to hear that from you. The Bible says, “God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God lives in them.”  

Do you believe this? Pop culture does not. It is teaching your children and my children that religious faith is repressive, and antiquated, and unrealistic, and unintelligent.  But they want to hear what you think. They want to hear what you believe and what you give yourself to without reservation, because that is what you believe. Share your faith. They want to know.  

But more than that, I want to invite you to grow in your faith. Practice the Eight Keys of Discipleship we have here at Broadway. Dad, we need you in our Sunday School rooms. We need men teaching children the faith. We need women, too, and we need men involved in our youth activities. We need men going on our mission trips with our kids. Our kids need to see men at their table right along with women.  Our men need to show their children every time they write a check to the church. When was the last time your kids saw you write a check? I know you’ve written them because Tammy tells me. You have been writing them. Have the kids seen it? Do your kids see how much your faith means to you in terms of dollars and cents?  Bottom line, folks: your kids are eager to hear about what you believe.

 

Number 9 – Teach them to stand up for what is good, and right, and loving. The Bible says, “I will instruct and teach you in the ways that you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you” (Psalm 32:8). 

Dads, you know this. Making good choices is what we want all of our children to do, but it is a learned skill. You aren’t born with the ability to make good choices.  It has to be learned. You need to teach them what is good, what is right, and what is loving. 

They need to know your standards. They need to know your values. If you don’t teach them, someone else is waiting in the wings to do just that. They will sell them amazing things. We all talk about wanting our kids to learn and to earn their independence, and that is good. I think they also need to be taught what is good, and what is right, and what is loving.

Number 10 – Finally, keep them connected.  Untold amount of research, time, and money are being spent trying to figure out what in the world keeps kids on the right track in this country and away from stuff that is destructive. There are things like gangs, substance abuse, dangerous sexual activity, and meaninglessness other types of things.  You know what they are finding out, Dad? They are finding out that you and mom together create parent connectiveness. This connectiveness is key. Work together, play together, plan together, serve together, eat together, and worship together. Do it together.  

I think it is a lot like that covenant, the one we use here at Broadway. It is the one when we hear the voice from heaven from time to time. It is a voice we hear when we are born, and when we come to the church, and we are blessed, or baptized. It is the one we hear when we stand before this cross and we find ourselves married, when we bring our own children to be blessed in this place, and on that day when we are ready to receive the gift of eternal life.  It is a voice that keeps us connected to God and keeps us connected to each other. It keeps us connected to our children and our children to us. It’s a voice that simply says, “You are a dear child, my beloved.  My favor rests upon you, and I, your Dad, am the one who will be here with you.”

And we all say together… “Amen.” 

Benediction

Father God, your love is uncomplicated, unconditional, and unwavering. Let us run into your arms, knowing that we are loved, shaped, and formed by being your beloved ones. Bless us all as we emulate your embrace. Amen.