God of infinite love, thank you for calling us to this hour of worship. Help us to see each other and every human being through your eyes, and to reach out to one another with your patience and kindness. Amen.

 

 

OK. You’ve seen the sermon title. You’ve heard the Scripture reading. What are we going to talk about today? Love. That’s right. 

 

We have this little thing in our family. Whenever we write each other e-mails, we sign it “Lub, Lub.” That’s L-U-B. I know you probably sign it some other way, but I don’t even want to hear about it. “Lub, Lub.” That’s what we’re going to talk about today.

 

I’m going to assume that by virtue of you being here today, healthy relationships are very important to each and every one of you. Healthy relationships are what I want to talk about today. You might guess that the proper place to start that conversation is to talk about “Lub” – love.

 

One of the things I’ve learned is that there are a lot of people, including myself, who have a lot of questions about this four-letter word. It’s in poetry. It’s in music. It’s in film. It’s in the arts. It’s used in so many ways, and it’s pretty mysterious stuff. 

 

What is the secret? Is there a secret to love? Why does it act the way it does sometimes? Have you ever wondered that? How can it go from being exciting and exhilarating to boring to exhausting to expiring? What makes that happen? This is powerful, powerful stuff, amazing stuff. What makes that happen?

 

Today we’re going to talk about and ask you to think with me about love – that four-letter word – and how to develop a kind of love that can last a lifetime in all kinds of relationships. Sometimes with your friends, with your parents, with your in-laws, your out-laws, with people you work with, with folks that you go to school with, whatever, whenever. Because what I’ve learned is that most of us want just that. We want healthy, loving relationships. How do you get it? How can it happen in your life and mine?

 

I spent some time the last couple of weeks looking around for some answers to that. I found a variety of things, as you can imagine, but one of the things I discovered is you can boil down a lot of those variety of answers to just two things: 1) Ask what real love is. 2) Act like love acts. That’s very interesting. 1) Ask what it is. 2) Act like it acts. That’s good. Write that down. Keep it in your mind.

 

Let’s take it from the top. Ask what love is. 

 

I hear it all the time. I love pizza. I love music. I love my job. I love fishing. I love my wife, Jan. I love mid-Missouri. I love my kids. I love great cuisine. I love sex. I love the Lord. I love you. Not necessarily in that order.

 

Same word. The same four-letter word over and over again. You hear the same thing. You even say the same thing. Yet, you know I feel a bit differently about Jan than I do about pizza.

 

OK? So, what does it mean, this four-letter word that gets thrown around? What does it actually mean? Misinformation abounds. 

 

For instance, just for fun, I was on line the other day, and A.O.L. Horoscope comes up and tells me that if I want to know about love, then I need to follow their little instructions. So, I pulled up Leo. That’s me: Leo – August 3. I pulled it up to see what the stars could tell me about love, and it said:

“There’s no denying that you draw admiring glances wherever you go, Leo. The problem is that most people are awestruck by your fabulousness.”

 

Man, I like these people already. They just drew me right in, you know. I’m going to put that one on my mirror. It goes on. It says:

“A good way to become more approachable is by joining a volunteer organization that supports a worthy case.” (I thought I was already a member of the largest volunteer organization in the world. It goes on.) “Becoming a member of an athletic team could also prove to be lucky to you as your competitive streak is incredibly sexy.” (I hear you laughing. They don’t know the half of it. And it said…) “If you’re looking for a more intellectual partner, there’s always the local theater group, a book club, political caucuses, etc.”

 

“You know, A.O.L., this has really been fun. I’ve really enjoyed this little walk here, but I have all that at home and more.”

 

So, let’s just go on with what today’s topic is about.

 

What is this thing called “love?” Now, some say that it has something to do with feelings. It has a lot to do with chemistry. It has a lot to do with attraction. There’s this ocean of emotion that comes into play, and I think everybody in this room would agree. That’s part of it. Love involves very, very powerful feelings. Some say that love is uncontrollable. You know, you can’t make people love you. It just sort of happens. One day you’re walking down the street, and you trip and fall in love.

 

One of my favorite stories here at church is Darren and Margaret. Darren loves to tell the story about how he was in high school at Hickman. He looked across the parking lot during band rehearsal, and he saw Margaret. He said, “That’s the woman I’m going to marry someday.” They were just sophomores. They just fell in love, and they’re married, and they’ll probably be here this next hour. It’s a wonderful story. We like to hear those kinds of stories.

 

So, one aspect is clearly feelings. Let’s own that. Let’s say that. It’s sensual. It’s what the Bible calls “eros.” It’s about attraction and magnetism, and that’s important. Anybody who doesn’t know how important that is, is making a huge mistake. It’s the way God made us. We’re attracted to different people, and that’s one of the things we need to affirm.

 

The Bible goes on to say that when it uses the word “love” it uses another word called “filio.” Again, for those of you who have been around the church, this may not be terribly new to you. But that is the notion that part of love can be the love of a friend. It can be the love of a companion. It can be the love of a person you just enjoy being with.

 

When King David was just a young warrior, he loved, according to Scripture, his best friend. Do you remember his name? Jonathan. In Isaiah 41, God called Abraham his friend, his companion. Proverbs 18:24 says that a person may have a number of acquaintances in this life that can lead to ruin, but a person with a friend has someone who sticks closer than a brother or a sister. Wow!

 

Ruth, with her wonderful mother-in-law, Naomi, had a wonderful relationship, a companionship, a friendship with this woman (Ruth 1:16). Remember those words she spoke? “Wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you stay or dwell, I will dwell. Your people will become my people, and your God will become my God. And when you die, I will die, and I will be buried there with you.” Those are some of the most beautiful, powerful words about love ever written anywhere. The love a friend has for a friend, the love a companion has for a companion.

 

But as most of you know, the most powerful kind of love we know about in Scripture is something the Bible calls “agape.” It means unconditional love. It means perfect love. It means the love of nothing less than God – God’s self. This is the love that goes beyond feelings. It goes beyond friendships, and emotions, and attractions, and companionships. This kind of love that the Bible talks about is a choice. It’s a decision we make. It’s how I choose to act toward another person. It’s important for us, folks, to really understand what this four-letter word really is, in fact.

 

Second point: Act like love acts.

 

How does love – real love – act? First Corinthians, the love chapter in the Bible lays it out. What I want you to understand is that Paul, when he wrote this letter to the Corinthians, was not writing to married folks or people who were going to get married, though in most every wedding that I perform, they want us to read something from I Corinthians 13. It was not written to be a little manual speaking about love for married folks. It was written because Paul had experienced a Corinthian church that was treating each other horribly, and he’d had enough of it. It was time for that church to get together and start being what they were called to be. What they were called to be is what this chapter is about.

 

Now, over time, we’ve transformed it and included it in wedding ceremonies and other kinds of ceremonies, and it’s a beautiful piece, but know that as you listen to it. I’m going to read it to you in just a minute, and as I do, I want you to think about your relationships. I want you to think about the relationships you have with your friends, with your parents, with your brothers, your sisters, your neighbors, your spouse, your kids, your church family, your work family. I want you to evaluate for yourself how healthy those relationships are for you.

 

Number 1: Paul says, “Love – real love – is patient.” To be patient is to be able to wait for, to be able and willing to bear difficulties and adversities. It means making allowances for each other. We have faults. We have weaknesses. We have imperfections. All of us do. Being patient is really a difficult thing to do, but it’s absolutely number one in a real, healthy, loving relationship.

 

Number 2: He says, “Love is not only patient; it is kind.” To be kind is to have an affectionate, sympathetic, gentle nature. It means to take an interest in another person’s welfare, to genuinely care how that person is doing, and to help them out if you can. That’s what being kind is. Ephesians 4 says, “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you.”

 

To be kind, folks, is to remember that the other person, whomever it is that I’m relating to, whomever I want to have a happy, loving relationship with is a person just like me. They make mistakes. They’re going to do and say things, on occasion, that they shouldn’t. They have weaknesses. They have a shallow side, just like we all do. They screw up just like we do. The only way we can have healthy, loving relationships with anybody is to be kind enough to forgive each other.

 

1)     Love is patient.

2)     Love is kind.

 

Now, Paul goes on to name nine things love is not. Isn’t that interesting? Two that it is. Nine that it’s not.

 

First, Paul says, “Love – real love – is not envious, which means it’s not jealous.” It’s not jealous or envious about what another person possesses, what kind of characteristics another somebody else has, what they’ve accomplished, what they haven’t accomplished.

 

He goes on to say “that love is not boastful, or arrogant, or rude,” which means to go around bragging and trash talking. I mean, good gracious, all these folks in athletic things who are boastful, arrogant, rude. There’ just no place for it in a loving relationship.

 

Next, “Real love,” he says, “does not insist on it’s own way. It’s not irritable or resentful. It doesn’t rejoice in what is wrong, but it rejoices in what is right.” In a word, the love that Paul talks about is not insecure. It’s not shaky. It’s not uncertain. It’s not unsure. Do you know what the scholars say is the number one factor in healthy, loving relationships? Security. Isn’t that interesting? Security: the state of being free from danger, free from fear, free from anxiety, to be secure in a relationship. Healthy relationships are sure. They’re safe. They’re solid.

 

What difference might it make for you if you were to say to somebody in your world today, “You know, no matter what happens, no matter what we have to go through, no matter what the difficulties and struggles we face, I love you. I am the one who will be there with you.”

 

We say that at every single wedding we share, and the reason we say that, folks, is that is exactly the promise, the security, the gift, the covenant God gives us. Healthy relationships, based on God’s love and covenants, are secure. They are solid. They are safe.

 

Now, three questions. These are the questions that I hear the most. Let’s address them very quickly, even if it’s not fully.

 

1) How do I keep a loving, healthy relationship alive? Short answer: Don’t take it for granted. Keep doing the things that are laid out in I Corinthians 13: patience, kindness, caring, sharing, asking, giving, receiving. If you have a love in your life, any love in your life that is working, know that it is a jewel. It’s a real jewel. In fact, it’s more than a jewel. It’s a nugget. Don’t take it for granted. It’s a nugget in a gold mine.

 

My beloved lent me this (holding up a rock) for this occasion. She keeps it on her little altar in the living room. On the outside it just looks like any other rock you’d see. You could probably go right over there beside the parking lot and find hundreds, maybe thousands of them. Just a rock. But if you tap on it a little bit in just the right places, what you begin to see is that there’s something incredibly beautiful inside. If you are willing to take the time, and very gently, and very carefully open it, you become aware that inside this seemingly common rock is a gold mine worth exploring. (It was a beautiful geode.)

 

I want to suggest to you that this is exactly what Paul is talking about. The gold mine in the loving relationships that you know is a mine waiting to be excavated. 

 

If you went to the Women’s Retreat a week or so ago, you know that was the theme. There is this whole person waiting to be uncovered, discovered. You know… dig. If you want to keep a loving relationship with anybody healthy and alive, uncover, learn more about all that’s inside that person. There is more than you can possibly find in a lifetime right there.

 

2) How do you handle a love relationship that’s dying? Wow! Good question. Short answer: Act in love and not in fear. If you’re involved in a love relationship that’s dying, the usual reaction most of us have is to cling to it, to clamp down on it, and we do that because we’re afraid. We don’t want to lose it.

 

I found a great saying this week that sort of highlights a wonderful principle. It says this: “Fear chains us, but love changes us.” Isn’t that great? “Fear chains us, but love changes us.” Got a relationship that’s dying? Want to make it healthy and alive again? If you’re clamping down on it, you’re going to kill it. The most powerful thing you can do is described in I Corinthians 13. Follow those things. Put in place some of those things, and that relationship can, in fact, be changed.

 

3) How do I handle a once healthy, loving relationship that has, in fact, died? It’s gone. It’s over. What can I do? Well, the only thing I can say is that I don’t think you can do anything. Not a thing, but I want you to remember that you and I are in a relationship – a loving relationship – with a God who specializes in life, who specializes in new life, who specializes in resurrection life. If God can raise Jesus Christ from the dead, God can help you resurrect a relationship.

 

The first thing to understand is that everybody knows it takes two people to make any of that work, but don’t let yourself be the person who keeps it from working. If there’s even the smallest hope left for a relationship with your parents, with your brothers and sisters, with your spouse, with your children, with other important people in your life, go ahead; risk it. Make the choice. Make the decision to love, even when you don’t feel like it, because feelings, as you know, come and go. But the love that the Scripture talks about is a choice. It’s a decision.

 

One of the things we know is that, as Scripture tells us, I can’t really be much of a loving person until I have somehow been loved myself. The Scripture says God loved us first, and because God loved us first, we are to love other people. It’s a question of firsts and seconds, you see.

 

What I want you to recall today is that the biblical secret to love – the greatest thing in the world – is found essentially in I Corinthians 13. What we find there, interestingly, is a series of habits, a series of actions. Like I said, feelings come and go, but love – biblical love – endures, still stands when all else, it says, has fallen.

 

What happens is, people hear this over and over, and then they go out and can’t understand why they just can’t start today and make this happen in a relationship. What I want you to see in I Corinthians is not some magic formula. What I want you to see is that there are patterns of behaviors here. These are learned experiences. 

 

Where do you learn how to be patient? Where do you learn how to be kind? Who’s the person who teaches you not to keep count of wrong doings, not to keep score? Where do you learn that? Who teaches you? Did you get that at home? You know what? I wish we did, but most of us didn’t. And so, what I want you to remember even more importantly than anything else we’ve said today is that this community of faith – your church home right here – we are the school. This is where children, from the time they are wee high, begin to see and to learn these patterns of behavior. They take a long, long time to develop. People are watching you and I all the time. This is where, over time, a loving character gets developed, and we have the people who model it, who value it, who show it to each other. When we do, it will, in fact, have a profound effect upon those children who are going to grow up to be teens, and when they grow up to be teens, they are going to be young adults, and from young adults, they’re going to become mature adults.

 

The experience they have with us – the way they see us relate to one another – will have a profound effect upon their marriages, upon their friends, upon their relationships with their parents, with children, and all the other people who matter in their lives. In short, it goes a long, long way to helping those who are looking for love in all the right places instead of the wrong ones.

 

And we all say together… “Amen.”

 

 

Jesus, lover of my soul, your love distinguishes us in all your creation; this is what draws us to each other, and to you. The gift of love is you most precious one. Thank you! Amen.