Gracious and Loving God, Mother and Father of us all; you place us within human families and incorporate us into the beloved household of faith. Be with us this hour as we renew our commitments to you and to each other, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Mothers’ Day. It’s not on every Christian calendar. I know, but it should be. I’m going to do a little survey just to see whom we have here today. OK? How many here today are parents and would describe parenting as difficult? Raise your hands please. Thank you. How many of you are empty-nesters? Please raise your hands. Look at all of them smiling.  Isn’t that great? Good. Good! Now, how many of you are boomerang parents? You know… You thought your kids had left, but they’re back? Let’s see your hands. Good. Good. And how many grandparents do we have here today? Oh, lots of them. I know that you think you were created to spoil your grandchildren, but I have something else for you to consider today a little later on. Finally, how many brand new parents do we have in the house of children two years or younger? Hands, please. OK. Good, good, good, good good! Oh, there’s one more category I forgot. Um, how many here just don’t like kids? You don’t want to be near kids or have anything to do with kids? Hands? Oh, you liars! You’re the people we like to sit next to in restaurants. We see it as our job to teach you patience. It’s a spiritual gift. It’s in the Bible.

 

Anyway, today we’re going to talk about what kids need from caring Christian adults. I just want to say up front to you that I am not an expert. I know this comes as a big surprise to you, but I’m not. My wife’s an expert. She’s here today. She’s an early-childhood specialist, but she didn’t write this sermon. She never saw this sermon, so you can’t hold her responsible for it.

 

But I used to be an expert. I want you to know that. In my first appointment to a church right out of seminary, I served at University Christian Church in Austin, Texas. I was placed in charge of youth and Christian education. I was 25 years of age. To welcome me, the women in the church had this big rally. All these women came from all over town. They invited me to be the guest speaker. My assignment was, “Parenting in Today’s World.”

 

I gave them my best 45-minute, typed-out-single-spaced lecture that I had taken from some book by Hiam Ginott, or somebody. At the conclusion, there was this really polite, but less than enthusiastic applause, and, of course, as speakers are supposed to do, I asked for questions.

 

There was a question right there in the front row. The lady said, “Reverend Frost, how many children do you have?” To which I responded, “None.” She said, “Reverend Frost, thank you for being here today.” The meeting was adjourned, and they all left – every single one. That was it! I will never forget that. That was when I was an expert.

 

Then I became a parent, at age 40, which some of you know. After that, I have watched most of your children grow up over the past 21 years in this place. So, I think I might be able to offer something in terms of some valid reflections today. 

 

Let me say, too, that I am not going to spend precious time moaning and groaning about our poor culture. You already know what kids are up against in today’s world. The valueless, amoral, if-it-feels-good-do-it type situation. It’s incredible. In fact most of you here know it better than I. Our kids are contending with some pretty tough stuff.

 

I tell you… My hat is off to today’s parents. My hat is off to today’s grandparents. My hat is off to Jacob Thorne and our youth workers. My hat is off to Kim Ryan, and soon-to-be Sara Luebbering, and our Sunday School teachers. These are people who are striving to raise children connected with Christ in today’s world.

 

There is a battle out there, folks. You may know this. You may not know this. There’s a battle for the family. It’s going on right now. Some folks out there in pretty high places think it’s pretty much over. They think the family, as you and I have known it, is finished. They are in the process of trying to figure out how to design what they think will take its place and be better. That’s another whole story.

 

But I want you to hear that’s not my voice today. I think some huge changes are needed, and families desperately need help today, but it ain’t over! It’s not over fundamentally because the family, biblically, theologically, and still today is God’s idea. We believe that. The Creator of all that is made something called families, and our culture has a whole lot to learn, in my view, about this design and how we seem to methodically be screwing it up. But that’s for another day. Today, with the time remaining, I want to list five things, five qualities, that a good kid – a kid we hope and pray is going to become a good human being – needs. I hope and pray these good kids are going to become good adults. But these are five qualities they might possess. Listen to them.

 

One: Confidence. We want our kids to grow up with confidence. Some people call it social and emotional resiliency. It’s a term I hear around the house. But, you know, it’s confidence. We want our kids to be confident. We don’t want them to be arrogant. We don’t want them to be rude. We don’t want them to be cocky. We know that arrogant, rude, cocky people are generally genuinely very insecure people. We don’t want that for our children. We want our children to feel good about who they are, and we want them to feel good about who they are primarily because they know Whose they are. We want our kids to be confident.

 

Two: Character. I think we want our kids to have character. Character: that elusive moral compass by which everybody makes decisions. “This is right and this is wrong.” I’ve never met a parent who didn’t want their children to have character – to be able to make those kinds of decisions.

 

Three: Conviction. Most of us would like our children to have a sense of conviction. Conviction is beliefs. Everybody has beliefs. You have beliefs. Everybody does. The question is: in what are those basic beliefs rooted? We Christians would hope and pray that our kids’ convictions and their beliefs would be rooted in a relationship with their Creator, found in God’s Word, learned in God’s way, and in God’s community of faith, and revealed to us in Christ Jesus. We would like our children to have convictions.

 

Four: Compassionate. Most of us would like to have children who are compassionate people. We want our children to grow up and realize they live in a world where not everybody lives in a nice, comfortable, spacious home. Half the world lives in poverty. We’d like for our children to grow up seeing the real world and the real needs that are very real out there, and to grieve the pain of the world, and to actually do something about it locally, if nowhere else. We’d like our children to be compassionate.

 

Fifth: Competent. Finally, we’d like our children to be competent. We hope and pray that our kids live a competent life, that they would know what their gifts and their skills are. We would hope they develop those skills and gifts. We hope they would become a difference-maker in the world in which they live. We want our children to live competent lives.

 

Right? OK? No disagreement there. That’s the picture I’d offer you today. Our prayer – my prayer – for our kids is just that. Our kids, who are going to be 40, 38, and 25 this year, are they there yet? No. Am I there? Absolutely! Just ask Jan. She’s right there. OK?

 

Now just in case you think this is a bunch of psychobabble from Dr. Phil, you need to know that the five Cs I named for you today came from a guy named Paul – St. Paul. These were his words of encouragement to a young guy named Timothy. He wrote those words of encouragement to Timothy in a letter that’s in your Bible and mine – First Timothy – in the New Testament. The five Cs: competence, character, convictions, compassion, and competence. Now, today’s sermon title says things kids could take and need from caring Christian adults.

 

There’s a bunch of things, obviously, we could name today. I was going to suggest just a couple of them that would lead us in the direction of those five Cs if we were to embrace them. Write these down in your mind, or if you have a pencil, write them somewhere else. They are very important. What kids need…

 

Number One: I believe kids need belief. Not their beliefs. They need your belief. They need you to believe in the value of being a parent. Being a shift manager at the bed and breakfast that you call home is not going to get it. My Dad grew up believing this. He really believed his job on this earth was to provide. He believed… somebody taught him to believe… that his job was to provide a place for his children and his wife to sleep and food for them to eat. Let me tell you, folks, if it doesn’t go beyond that, they’re not going to get to the big five – to the big Cs. It’s not gonna’ happen. If you think just providing people a place to eat and a place to sleep is going to get the job done, you’re headed for trouble. OK? 

 

I meet a lot of parents who are worried. They are worried sick about the influence of drugs, and sex, and alcohol, and music, and MTV, and all kinds of other stuff. They don’t have any idea that the greatest influence they really need to be concerned about is theirs. Parents, it’s your actions. It’s your values. It’s your beliefs. It’s your character. It’s your faith that is going to have the greatest influence – bar none – on your children’s lives. Bar none!

 

I know it’s hard for some of you to believe that your kids want you to be their heroes. It’s hard for you to believe they want you to be their model. They want you to be their ideal. They want you to be that shining example. They’re not going to tell you that. I can guarantee you that, but I want you to hear that they really do. They really do! They want you to be a really positive influence in their lives.

 

Why? Because that’s the way God designed it. That’s how the system of the family is set up. Psalm 127 says, “Children are a gift from God.” Underline the word gift.  “And happy is the family whose quiver is full of them.” Underline the word happy.

 

In Mark 9, Jesus takes a child into his arms and teaches his disciples. When he does, he says, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name, welcomes me. And whoever welcomes me does not just welcome me, but the one who sent me.” 

 

Folks, we no longer have to have children in order to provide workers for our farms the way our grandparents did and our great grandparents did. We no longer have to have children in order to have meaningful, deep, loving sex. We don’t have to do that any more. We don’t have to have children at all. Period. The world doesn’t need more children. So, if you’re gong to choose to try to have a child, you need to know a child is a gift. A child is a gift from God. You need to welcome that child as if you were welcoming the Creator of the universe, himself. Whew!

 

That puts your job of parenting on a pretty high plane. It’s part of your destiny. It’s part of your job description. Don’t choose to have a child in this life if you are not ready to accept that high and holy calling, because it is definitely worth your very best effort, and it is not easy. It is a tough, tough job.

 

In fact, someone did the math recently and calculated at today’s prices what a stay-at-home parent is actually worth on the open market. It is $134,000 per year. You guys getting that? Nope. Not at our house either. OK? But that’s what it would actually cost if someone were to come in and to do your job based on today’s prices. 

 

I remember one afternoon. I was a new Dad. Jan was home. We just had this baby, and Jan was home being the Mom. And I was sort of… uh, you know… I had experienced sort of a weird and tough day. I was thinking, “Gosh, there they are at home having a good time.” And I said, “So, what did you do today?” 

 

Now listen, folks. If you do not have kids yet, take note. Never, never say that! Just don’t do it. Because when I regained consciousness, Jan said something like, well, I can’t exactly tell you what she said, but it had something to do with the value of her work as a parent. OK?

 

Folks, I’d love to see the day when those of us who have a relationship with God and Christ… Those of us who have some idea of what the big picture of this life looks like… Those of us who have some sense that kids are, in fact, God’s gift to the world… Those of us who have some sense of the high calling of being a parent… I’d love for the day to come when someone would come up to you and say, “What keeps you busy? What do you do for a living?” 

 

Instead of answering what you do in the marketplace, wouldn’t it be awesome if you said something like, “Oh, I’m in charge of socializing two homo sapiens in the dominant guise of the Judeo-Christian world view in order that they might become instruments of the transformation of the social order proscribed by the Creator, Sustainer, Judge, and Redeemer of all that is. Amen.” Whooo! I practiced that all week long. Then after you say that, you say, “And what do you do?”

 

“Oh, just a lawyer.”

 

“Oh, I see.”

 

Folks, believing is the number one thing. You believing in your role, its value and its importance as a parent and the influence you are going to have. That belief is the number one thing that will lead a child, give that child every opportunity, at least, to begin moving in the direction of those five Cs. That is you believing.

 

Number Two: Kids need your presence. One of the major contributing factors of growing healthy kids, the research says, is parents who are present in their lives. Present! Let me spell that for you. T-I-M-E. Now, if you are one of these who believe in quality time versus quantity of time, forget it. That’s rubbish. It’s all about both. It’s lots and lots of time – your time – as well as quality time. Being present in your children’s lives is a total challenge to your priorities. I know this. 

 

Just for the record, you singles parents among us; you are amazing. You amaze me. You’re working so hard to pull this off, and I believe that God acknowledges and honors that. I believe your children will see it and will one day, if not already, call you blessed. 

 

But what kids get crazy about today is parents who are inaccessible because they overwork. They overwork not to survive, but they overwork because they want more stuff. They want to do more stuff. Then in this crazy kind of thing, they blame the kids, because they think the kids want all that stuff and they want to do all that stuff. Let me tell you a little secret. They’d rather have your presence than all those new cars, and that bigger house, and all that wonderful social climbing to be better in the eyes of your community than you are right now. And your Harley, and your time share, and your cruise to the Caribbean. They really would. 

 

In fact, the scholars say the number one contributing factor to kids’ rage, anger, and hostility in this culture is… What would you guess? Strict discipline? No. Poor discipline? No. Not having what other kids have? No. Not getting a cell phone or a credit card by age 13? No. The number one factor contributing to kids’ rage, anger, and hostility in this culture is the perceived inaccessibility of one or both of their parents. Write that one down.

 

That is why you go to all those games. Fourth-grade girls’ basketball is not about basketball. OK? For heaven’s sake, the final score is two to three. It’s about her! Your presence matters. Let me tell you. You can bet the farm that she is not going to forget. She’ll remember. 

 

And for you grandparents here; do you know why kids come to your house? Oh, you think it’s because you buy them all that stuff? Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! Research demonstrates: kids love going to their grandparents’ house because you are totally present with them. You give them you. You pay attention. You are accessible. Do you have any idea what a gift that is?

 

What do kids need? They need you to believe. They need you to be present.

 

Number Three: Kids need memories. Our lives, folks, are a museum of memories. Right? Now I realize some of you do not have good memories of growing up. I know there are people sitting in this room this very day, who experienced pain, and fear, and abuse, and neglect, and all kinds of stuff that I don’t even pretend to understand. I’m just saddened by it. But here’s what I also know. You understand the power of memories. You understand that you can redeem those bad memories you had by creating positive and good ones for your kids. How do you do that? Four quick things:

 

1.      Make up traditions. When the kids were home, every night we sat down in the dining room. We lit candles. We said our prayers. Every night. Every Sunday we go to church. None of this, “Oh well, we don’t want to force our religion on our kids.” That’s hogwash! Your kids, as long as they live in your house, need to be in church if that’s where you are. Don’t put up with that stuff. We went to church, and then every Sunday after church, we all went out to dinner. We never went home. We all went out to dinner and had lunch together. Every family celebration we cooked brats and flipped burgers in the back yard. It didn’t matter whether it was a wedding, or graduation, or a birthday. Father’s Day we always go… FISHING! That’s correct. Every Mother’s Day, we always GARDEN. Every Christmas, Molly always picks the tree. Marcy always decorates the dining room, and Ted always makes Grandma’s potato rolls. Make up some traditions that are yours.

 

2.      When you make up those things, capture those memories on video and digital cameras. There is no excuse today not to have a ton of pictures. Every picture tells a story. Every story always leads back to the Big Five – the Big Cs. We have boxes and boxes of 35 mm slides and carousels. Do you have those things? Every Christmas the kids come home, and we have those marathon showings that go late into the night. Ted jumping his bicycle over hurdles. Marcy modeling her favorite outfits. Molly, age two, buck naked in a sailboat. She’s not here. I can tell that. They laugh, and they cheer for each other, and they make comments, and every year, the family gets re-bonded. You see? Every year the family gets re-glued, year after year after year. Capture those memories.

 

3.      Prioritize vacations. Why? Because the researchers tell us that the number one factor that creates the strongest memories in kids are vacations. Now, if you can’t afford an expensive vacation, take a cheap one. Because, I’ll tell you now, they’re not going to remember what restaurants they went to in Maui, but they will remember playing cards around the table, and laughing, and seeing Mom laugh so hard that milk shoots our her nose. They will! Prioritize vacations.

 

4.      Create adventures. Our youth minister here plans adventures all the time. Go with your kids on a mission trip. Hike on one of those wonderful outings. Go on one of those canoe float trips. Spend an overnight down at the riverside with another family, and play hide and seek after dark until you can’t walk anymore. Cook a meal with your kids and take it to the soup kitchen. Point: It doesn’t matter what it is, your kids would rather be with you in your old beat-up car and headed toward an adventure than to have a Mercedes parked in the driveway and staying home. It’s all about memories, folks.

 

Well, time is way up. This is not about the ideal family. It’s about shooting for ideals and that’s all the difference in the world. Our parents, you and I, our children, our grandchildren need to be shooting for those kinds of things.

 

And all the people say… “Amen.”

 

 

Loving Parent God, you give us life. You guide and direct us. You love us unconditionally. Make us your family. Make us accountable to one another.  Help us to grow in love. Amen.